What Our People Really Need to Know

People, we really, really need to be extremely careful of who we embrace as "guru's" to teach us anything, including how to bring our families together.  It is of the utmost importance that black families get it together, and quickly.  But we can't do that if we are swayed or hoodwinked by those who profess to be healers, but are actually predators.

What got me back on this issue was getting packed and ready to be with my new husband to be.  As I was packing, I ran across "the book".  I had to take a moment, ponder a few issues and then laughed my head off, as only an Oni Sango can. This particular book, I know, I advocated many of our people purchasing it because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time.   I apologize to all of you who found it less than helpful, and to many more of you that I implored to read it to soothe his ego. But I was getting insight to the purported writer that did not quite fit with the author of this book.  I kept trying to reconcile his  obvious  personal dysfunction, his family dysfuction and his very, very dysfunctional relationships, including the one I had with him.  That taught me a lesson and I jumped out of that frying pan and must say, that I'm glad I did.  But how many others get caught up in the hype of someone who is supposed to be leading you to healing but have no idea how to begin on themselves?  It has taken me the better part of two years to decide to come clean.

First I want to allow you to read what one woman wrote about the book and give you insight to that state of mind.  No way did anyone that I know, me included come away with this impression.  In fact, I must confess, I didn't read the book.  I only read a few excerpts.  To me, there was no real substance there and was not something that I would pay money for, and didn't.  This was not a book really about healing because the author was not coming from a place of healing himself.  We did not see any of his own personal struggles or learn how he overcame his own family's dysfuction. Make note of that.  You wont' see it because it never happened.

Now here is what one woman wrote.

I Must Let My People Know shows such clarity of thought that it is sad to think that these ideas aren't commonplace. In fewer than 200 pages, Dalani Aamon weaves everyday common sense with thought provoking reflection in such a way that it invokes individual accountability that is personally undeniable. There is absolutely no way to read this book and walk away unchanged.

     In the first chapter, Aamon writes the clearest explanation of the mental ills and challenges faced by the entire black community.

     He never pacifies or sugar coats any reality, covering such topics as depression, anger, shame in being black, both physically and mentally, and then fearlessly asks the question: "What side are you on?"

     Aamon's next few chapters take the theories of Religion, The Declaration of Independence, The Constitution, Drugs and Death to show how recent history should have been entirely predictable.

     It's impossible to miss Aamon's message: If your forcing a group of people to play your game, then changing the rules so that they can't win, it's no surprise that the participants are seeking an escape.

     Nearing the end, Aamon has torn up the "System" and broken down family dysfunction so that one would have to be deaf, dumb and blind to rationalize or substantiate the current existence and state of either.

     As a conclusion, Aamon's vivid accounts of recent historical events and gatherings, including the Mumia trial and Million Man March is reminiscent of a dear friend telling it to you.

     I Must Let My People Know is more compelling than anything I've read.

     A genuine masterpiece, this book lets no one off the hook.

Amani X

At this juncture, knowing the commenter as I do, she has not read anything more compelling that what she is told to read.  Now let me address the highlighted area:If your forcing a group of people to play your game, then changing the rules so that they can't win, it's no surprise that the participants are seeking an escape..

What you read above is the very reason I had to escape from the relationship. I did try very, very hard to make it work and stayed actually longer than I should have, or longer than I would recommend anyone else to. What made me stay, truth be told is the fact that I had a reading and it appears I would have been happy with him, after a lot of hardships.  And trust me, from day 4 there were hardships.  But I digress.  Ifa gives us guidelines I have found.  God proposes, but man disposes.  I asked if this marriage would work and Ifa had his say, but I could not find it in me to have the peace that should come with being in love.  I tried to be in love, thought I was in love, but when someone keeps changing the rules so you can't get a foothold on life, then there has to be an escape hatch.  What I discovered is that divination is no substitute for thinking.  And what I did not bargain on was someone wanting that fool so badly they would actually go work bad juju to bring him under her spell.  Now that grossed me out. I am a pretty powerful Priestess if I must say so myself and have access to much more power.  I had to think about it really hard, why didn't I undo what she did to him?  I think that was my escape hatch.  I could have put her in check in five seconds, but I didn't.  I could have had someone else remove the juju, the juju everyone in the Orisha community on the east coast knows she performed, but I didn't.  In my heart, I knew this man was crazy. I knew he had his own personal demons to deal with.  I knew his love for me was toxic and would bring me down. I knew that he did not have the substance to help me build a nation, all the things Ifa predicted would be there, including the royal wedding.  There were times that I wished he would hit me because that would have been less painful than the barrage of verbal and emotional abuse.  He kept moving the lines because didn't know where his own were.  He had no boundaries, so he could set none.

I began to look at this from the postion of a healer, which I am.  I have the bonavides to prove it.  He wanted me to immediately come out of my recovery process from my years of abuse.  He was relentless in that.  I knew why, having someone else view his behavior, a professional, would alert me to his dysfunction.  I began to ask him how he coped with the demons from his own past, his family's dysfunction.  It turns out he sought no healing, had done no healing and wasn't plan on doing any.  But he did feel that he was somehow an authority on what should go on in other's lives.  That's where we need to be more careful.  Ask questions about those you invite to speak to your children as role models.  Ask questions about those who want to give you advice on relationship issues.  His kept referring to his two long term relationships with wonderful women as his track record, but they left his behind, and I could see why.  I just could not understand with good women running from him, why someone would want to put a love spell on the fool.  His last wife was the best thing that ever happened to him, but he ran her away like his first, and she left him with the chlldren she needed to escape so badly. I understand that now. I asked him when we got together if he shouldn't try again with the second wife, I thought the relationship was worth salvaging.  His ego wouldn't let it happen.  His new radio station was the reason. I thought he should give it a try and see, even though we were together. I  could see he was hurting and if you care about someone, you want them to be happy and in my view, being back with her, working on their issues would be best for everyone concerned.

But I digress.

Let me back track here...again, Ifa is not our substitute for thinking at all.  When I could not reconcile the author of that book with the supposed man, and I use the term "man" loosely with him because he could not stand for anything to save his life.  In fact, it was a running joke with us, one I coined.  I later found he did not write that book after I pressured him to begin to write something, anything and stop re-submitting essays from that book and recycling them.  I learned the truth and was not at all shocked.  The insight you see there is not his entirely.  Two beautiful members of his family wrote the majority of the book and one was the wonderful wife who had to escape because he kept changing the lines. 

In my own life, I am happy to say that all the good fortune Ifa predicted, the happiness the royal wedding the birthing of a nation, having a real man, a man's man has come to pass for me.  I knew the one I was with was not that man.  We have to think for ourselves.  The ibi predicted by Ifa was that relationship...I had to get through the agony for the ecstasy.  Sometimes, we must rely on our own heads, that divine part of us that answers only to Olodumare to find what Ifa is truly speaking of.  This person was merely the vehicle to get me to my destiny.  He was a seasonal person, one put in my path for a season and a reason. I realized that and finally left for good, knowing that I had not defied the Orisha.  I could never have appreciated the gem I have now had I not gone through that fire.

....love is never really free....you have to face some agony......for the ecstasy