By
Princess Ademide Adinasse
I am a strong believer in learning to love self first. Without
love of self, I believe that we can love no one else. Without loving self, we
cannot love anyone else in a "healthy" sort of way or make healthy choices in
who we love.
Many of us are on our journey to healing. Some of us recognize it and some of do
not. Life is a lesson. Everything in it is part of the healing process. How you
take your lessons is up to you. You can continue to repeat the lessons as you do
a grade in school, or be promoted to the next grade. It is all up to you.
Personal transformation is a choice you have to make for yourself my sistas and
brothas. As for me... as Malcolm X once said..."I was born in trouble!".
My very soul was traumatized at the age of three. Many of our souls were
traumatized much younger, many a little older. Some the result of child abuse,
childhood sexual abuse, neglect, you name, we had to learn to deal with it. We
had some type of dysfunction in our lives early on which led to the foundation
of our forming the patterns of behavior which affect our choices today.
In Yoruba cosmology, we believe that our Ori or conciousness chooses our destiny
prior to our arrival on this plane, or prior to leaving Orun (heaven). We make a
pact with Olodumare (God) as to what we wish to accomplish while here. Now
somewhere in the birthing process, this pact gets forgotten. In Afrika, babies
are "read" by the priest to determine exactly WHO this newly arrived child is,
as we also believe each child is a returning ancestor. It is also determined why
this child chose to come here. Work is immediately performed by the parents
along with the priest to begin to help the child's destiny to manifest so that
all will go well in the child's life.
So guess what ya'll?? We also chose whatever insanity we were born into! I chose
the womb I came into. I was born in trouble, yes, but I chose that mess. Why?
Well it was determined later in my life when I came into the Yoruba tradition
which I will share at a later date. But remember, we all come here for a
purpose.
Now in order for us to begin to make healthy choices, we must ascertain the
underlying spiritual cause for the unhealthy choices in the first place. In all
cases, in accordance with Yoruba cosmology we have found that what happens one
is out of alignment with their destiny. Remember earlier when I said that your
pact with God was forgotten during the birthing process? Well, just because you
forgot, does not mean you are exempted from carrying out the pact. What begins
to happen is confusion begins to reign. Havoc reigns. And no one can seem to get
a grip on their lives. The past seem to be ruling your present.
Let me tell you a small bit about ME. I was married to my childhood sweetheart.
When I came into this religion and I am not touting my religion. I believe we
all have to make our own choices and that erethang ain't for erebody. I am for
whatever WORKS for YOU. As I say on the forum, we are all going to the same
place but in different cars. I am for empowering MY folks and healing MY folks
Okay?
As I said, I was married to my childhood sweetheart. He was in full control of
me. Everyone else saw me as a woman of power. Someone to be reckoned with. I did
not see myself this way. I saw myself as he told me I was. I was abused by him,
emotionally, spiritually, physically and verbally. Why did I believe his lies? I
was conditioned to from my childhood! Truth was not something I had ever heard.
For some reason, this place of healing appealed to me. It was empowering to me.
I began to fight for my very life with the help of my elders in this religion.
It was not easy coming from a christian background. My family moved in to begin
to tell me I was going to hell in a handbasket for listening to these people and
not "obeying"my husband, who was beating my azz day and night. So I went
undercover with it.
I had to face some terrrible truths about myself and where the genesis of all
this began...my childhood. Man that was painful. I began to remember the abuse
and coupled with what I was going through with HIM, it was almost too much to
bear.
When I sat down with my elders and we went for divination, I asked if my
marriage could be saved. (what a dummy as I look back now). The oracle gave a
"prescription". Now I had a choice. I know teach my students this equation that
was taught to me: Awareness + Knowledge=Choice.
Awareness= Knowing that something is wrong and seeking the answers to a problem.
it is also education.
Knowledge= Getting information on your particular issues. This also applies to
getting to know yourself. It can involve some mirror work. Looking within.
These two components equal
CHOICE..Informed and healthy choices
Now what I did with these was looked at the choice I had on the "tray" in my
case the divining tray or the "Oracle" of the divinities. They could fix this
for me. And make no mistake, the man would have straightened up and flew right
OKAY? But with all I now knew about MYSELF, did I want that? I could not forget
all the pain and anquish that he caused me and my son. Remember we can choose
abuse for ourselves, but NOT for our children. Although with the "prescription"or
ebo, there would be no further abuse, we could not forget. And why would I want
to be with a man that I had "fixed" any damn way! He couldn't straigten up on
his own? My answer to this was Hell to the NO!
My journey into healing had begun.
Remember if you can believe a lie, you can also believe the truth about
yourself. Also remember if you can make unhealthy choices for yourself, you can
also make healthy choices for yourself with the proper tools in your toolbox.
But YOU must be the impetus to your own healing.
Maya Angelou once said" A woman who is in full possession of her mind, is
responsible for her thoughts and actions, and is unafraid of bucking the status
quo is a dangerous woman. Such a woman is a force of nature. She creates a
whirlwind of change in individuals, communities, and systems just by being
herself."